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When I started my healing journey, I didn’t know what a mother wound was. I didn’t feel wounded by my mother. I admired and loved her, and yes I had some judgment of her too, but I didn’t see that as a wound.
What I did see is that my husband had wounded me, and I can even say that I hated him. My children had also wounded me, and there have been many times that I hated them too. Those are strong statements, and I don’t like them. But those were my feelings.
My marriage was unbearable. Most women in a situation like mine would have left years ago. My husband and I spent 18 months in counseling, and nothing changed for me. Every therapist I spoke to suggested either leaving or having a separation. But I didn’t want to cause more damage to my children than I already had. To my kids, I was the mother from hell, with expectations they could never meet, conditional so-called love, and unpredictable explosions of anger. To me, my husband and my kids were the problem. I was doing everything “right,” and they were just ungrateful and unappreciative. I felt taken for granted and used.
I now can see that much of that was coming from my mother wound, as I was subconsciously trying to please my mother and earn her love. I realized that I felt abandoned by her emotionally, and as an adult I was still trying to be good enough for her. My husband and children were only uncovering old wounds that I never knew I had.
As I began to see, acknowledge, and heal my mother wound, the biggest lesson I learned is that basically everyone is wounded, and dysfunctional and abusive behavior comes from those wounds. I began to see my husband differently, as a wounded person, who is trying to do his best. I also began to see my children differently, as carrying burdens that were never theirs.
The unconscious resentment and anger I had towards my mother was what I was projecting onto my husband. The judgment I unconsciously held against my mother for what she couldn’t give me was now forcing me to repeat the very same things with my children (that I swore I would never repeat!).
With healing, I have found not only forgiveness for my mother but that there is actually nothing to forgive. She was carrying her own mother wound as well as burdens that were never hers. Just like me. I’m just like her.
With healing, I can also more easily get to a place of forgiveness and compassion for my husband – which a very big deal! I don’t need my husband’s approval or validation of me anymore in order to feel worthy. I feel much more acceptance of myself, and I am able to accept my children as they are more than I ever thought was possible. And that’s a big deal too!
I was in a recovery program for codependency for about seven years before working with Stephanie, and in one year I have made more progress than I did in all those previous years in recovery. I have grown extremely close to my mother, closer than I ever thought we could be. I have learned more about her in the past year than I have in my whole life. I can honor her as my mother while also seeing her as a beautiful person.
My healing journey is still a work in progress, and I know there is more to uncover. But I am so grateful to know that healing is possible, and healing my mother wound has been a big part of that.
Constellations and Stephanie have changed my life! They have helped me understand the origin of conflict in my family at all levels. I have learned to take my place and to set priorities in order to achieve balance. I feel every single constellation has helped me heal at the same time I feel a better person and a lot happier than before. Stephanie is justa amazing!!!
"Getting a constellation from Stephanie was the greatest gift for my soul. It gave me closure and so much peace with the death of my mom and my pet. I was also able to see my relationship with my parents in a different light which allowed me to not feel like I needed to be in charge all the time in my life. It shifted my attitude about my relationships in a much healthier, easier way. I am grateful for the peace that I have now with my memories of my childhood. Thank you Stephanie
Constellating mother/ancestor/lineage issues & traumas, I/we have the opportunity to see mother more clearly, what she may have inherited as part of the “system” & begin (or continue) to focus on my/our lives & destiny.
I initially sought help from Stephanie for a childhood trauma that I had blocked from my conscious memory. At the time I was healing from breast cancer and had been told by others the cancer was related to the Mother child bond. I assumed it meant my Mother and I; when Stephanie pointed out I needed to heal the relationship I had with my eldest son and let him know how proud of him I was. It's not that the relationship with my son was a bad relationship, I was mourning his absence as he had moved 2,000 miles away. When Stephanie performed my constellation, it showed the breast cancer would be healed when I embraced my son moving away and I came to terms with him living his best life. I did the work she recommended after the constellation. Three months later the breast cancer was gone and my physician was pleased and amazed, as was I.
The 2nd constellation I did was to heal my sister's anger which often comes up as rage due to her childhood trauma. A week after the constellation for my sister I traveled to visit her and my extended family. I stayed at my sister's house for eight nights and we did not have one argument. This was a miracle; in the past we never made it past 3 days without an argument. Even my Dad was pleasant my entire visit. I have no words what it was like viewing my constellations, every person who played a family member was spot on. The magic that happens during and after constellations is difficult to explain, but the results are immediate and far more rewarding than years of psychotherapy